Life In Spain

Baby Emma

2007-01-18T11:15:00.000+01:00

This is a heart wrenching story about a little girl and her family. This is an small passage from their website.

"Emma Louise Clittie is 2 years old. Emma has been diagnosed with a very rare childhood cancer called NEUROBLASTOMA.
This cancer is so rare, it only affects around 80 children in the UK. Emma's cancer is at stage 4 and is an aggressive form of NEUROBLASTOMA, she has been given a 20% to 30% chance of beating the cancer.
Emma is currently undergoing chemotherapy in Liverpool's Alder Hay Children's Hospital and is on an 18 month action plan.

Neuroblastoma has not been researched much in the UK or Europe so the Doctors in the UK can only do there best with the research they have. Under the current treatment plan that Emma is on, there is a 70% to 80% chance of this NOT working and if the cancer goes and comes back then there is no cure in the UK or Europe for this.
We hope and pray that Emma will be one of these special children and will beat this nasty cancer.

In America, they do a lot more research into Neuroblastoma and they don't see it as none curable if it comes back, they have researched and have different treatments options available, some taking Emma’s chances to 50%.

This Appeal is about raising money to take Emma to America if no other treatment in the UK works. We have said from Day 1 that even if there was a 1% chance of beating this cancer then we will take it and grab if with everything we have. The treatment in America cost around £200,000. This is a lot of money!!!
But if it cures Emma then it's worth every penny!

To raise this much money could take months or even years and if we ever need to send Emma to America we would need the money there and then to go straight away.

IF WE NEVER NEED TO SEND EMMA TO AMERICA FOR THIS TREATMENT THEN THE MONEY WOULD GO TO RESEARCH FOR NEUROBLASTOMA IN THE UK."

If you would like to learn more then please go to Emma's Website.

Baby Emma

We Raised the Roof

2006-12-28T08:13:00.000+01:00

I have not been able to make a post since early November, which tells you how busy we have been. Work has continued both inside and outside the cave, and the difference is discernable.

The roof has been raised to form a roof terrace, this was a last minute decision, as previously we were just going to tile the roof with conventional tiles. We looked at the views from the roof and decided that the view would be one of our greatest assests, so it seemed a shame not to grasp this opportunity.

A void was created on the outside edge in order to bring the roof level, and then walls and piers were created to take the wooden vigas. These had to be cleaned and the ends stained to ensure that they would not absorb moisture. Failing to do this would have caused the vigas to swell when they got wet and consequently crack the cement that surrounds the ends.

Piers up the rest of the building was ready for the render, and then later the piers and the upper terrace walls were also rendered.

The stairs are almost complet just requiring the final step at the top and the wall below which will form the hand rail. Then the stairs must be tiled. We will be fitting another door on the lower wall which will afford us a little more in the way of weather protection, and a useful under stair storage area.

The whole building in more or less fully rendered now and will have a full thick coat of monocapa next week.

We have drainage spouts leading from the roof terrace to help drain standing water, and we have to finish weatherproofing the vigas which we hope to get done before the end of the week.

The whole place is now starting to look more complete, and the views from the terrace are stunning. We will be tiling the terrace in the spring and giving the whole place a good coat of paint. We hope to get an area fenced for the animals in the spring too, but as usual there is so much to do and so little time in which to do it.

Work inside has also happened at some pace, with all the rooms apart from the cave lounge being tiled and grouted, all that is left is to finish painting these rooms, and move the bath from the main part of the cave house into the new cave bathroom. This will be a precision operation as one the bath is removed we have to get it installed pretty quickly as it is the only bath we have. Once in place we can use this bathroom whilst we refit the other bathroom.

We hope to finish the painting this week and move into one of the bedrooms, so that we can prepare the bedroom we are currently using, for my daughter who returns to Spain in 6 days.

Our next area of work will be in the pantry bringing new wiring into this area and building some open units for storage. I have already opened out a large cupboard and I have nearly finished the yeso work on the walls and new shelves, which will then leave some painting before it can be used. Pan hanger is up and working but I will leave the pictures for the next post, when I hope to have a little more work completed in that room.

Hope you all had a great Christmas, we enjoyed our first Christmas in our cave house, and the fireplace looked very festive and felt very cosy with the wood burner chucking out oodles of heat. Hope you all have a great New Year.

Online Petition Please Sign

2006-11-01T19:20:00.000+01:00

Okay this is a quick entry but a very important one. Please follow this link and read the story, if you feel that you can support us please sign the online petition, it will only take you a minute but would make the world of difference to a lot of people

Sing For Your Supper.... TCR

If you cannot be arsed to read the story and just want to support then just follow this link and sign the petition.

TCR Online Petition

I thank you, TCR thanks you, the young people of Teesdale, Co. Durham , UK thank you XX

UPDATE

I would like to thank all you who took the trouble to sign the online petition, your support was greatly appreciated. Sadly TCR lost the vote and will now have to go back to the drawing board. I will post again when I have more news. If you would like to read the full story from the local paper please follow this link TCR Story

Raising The Roof

2006-10-31T18:15:00.000+01:00

We are finally raising the roof of the extension. The picture below shows the leve it was at. That is my sister and brother in law checking out my motorbike....lol

As you can see the level of the roof has been raised with the intention of putting an additional terrace on the roof. We had elected to have a pitched roof but after much deliberation we have decided to opt for the extra terrace.

At the weekend the builders will be back, weather permitting to carry on with the job. Photos are more for OH's benefit as he is currently in the UK leaving me to oversee the work..........I mean what was he thinking ........

Sitting Room Completed

2006-10-29T14:51:00.000+01:00

One room down and this is the next one on the list, the sitting room. This is next to the Television room and we plan for this to be just an area to sit in and chat away from the television. This room was not in a bad state of repair or decoration, but as is typical the electrics needed a vast amount of sorting out to make it not only practical but also safe.

The channels for the new electrics had been dug some time earlier, but time constraints and other more important projects had to be done before we could consider making a start on this room.

There was already a light and two sockets but they were not the best. Whilst the ceiling light had 3 lights it was at best candle power, and the electrical circuits had a happy knack of just switching off if you plugged too much into them. We also had to route the cable for the sky in through this room, so there were quite a few channels to fill and a lot of wires to fill the channels.

Filling the channels was not too much of a problem, as they already had yeso rapido holding the conduit in place, so any remaining gaps were filled with another mixture of rapido and then contralado and the finishing plaster to give as smooth a finish as was possible.

A good deal of sanding down and it was starting to look the business. Word of advice, even if it sounds like common sense, to most. Always wear a mask as the dust created was something else and got everywhere.

One of the last jobs before painting was to remove the old light switches, plug sockets and light fittings. This bit was hilarious to say the least. For the first time in my life I saw how they attached the ceiling light and I was gob smacked. One thing for sure it would have never fallen down.

I mean that has to be at least an 8" nail, which had to be removed with a crowbar. Now I understand that light fittings must be secure but there is overdoing it a bit and this was a perfect example.

Not content with using nails to secure the light fitting the plug sockets were also secured in the same way, albeit not with such sturdy nails, I can only imagine that they must have run out of the big long ones and had to use smaller ones for this plug socket.

We realised when removing the cabling for this socket that it has been working on the equivalent of bell wire or speaker wire, just really glad we did not use any of the sockets

Two good coats of pain were applied and here we are the done job, well almost we have to build a proper base for the fire and the grate to finish the job, but that is not rocket science.

We are currently using this area as a temporary office until we have the office premises open in Cullar, which should not be too many more weeks now.

As you can see the improvement in the lighting quality and the benefit of some furniture has made a vast difference to this room.

Next up.......Nope not the pan hanger as I have a set back with that....lol Next up Work on the roof starts......whoo hoo!

Another Room Completed

2006-10-11T18:36:00.000+02:00

We have managed to finish another room in the cave, and this was a very important room, Mum's TV room. Up until now Mum has been camping out in what will be the sitting room, where the channels for the new electrics had been dug out quite some time ago. There were cables and extension leads running across the floor and because we have both the back door and the front door open most of the time, a hefty draught could sear through. The lighting was also ancient so rather that a good light you had, at best, two candle power. Plus due to the accoustics in this room the sound from Mum's TV could be heard throughout Pulpite and I suspect into parts of Cullar too. So it was time for action. The picture below shows the room as we bought it. The wiring was stapled across the wall and then down to a lazy switch for the solitary light. There were no other lights or sockets.

Junction boxes, light fittings, light switches, double sockets were all dug into the rock and the cables ran through conduit which was then hastily held in place with yeso rapido and then when that had set yeso contralado. A little tip here to anyone who is undertaking this sort of work. If your walls are reasonably flat, like these were, if you run a damp sponge over the contralado you can, with some practise get the wall pretty smooth. We also had to run the cables for the sky into this room which is 3 deep into the cave, and from this room we also ran the sky cables into Mum's bedroom which is next door to her tv lounge, just in case she is feeling unwell one day and would like to be able to watch her sky in bed. We like to make sure that Mum is well looked after and has all the creature comforts that we can provide for her. She is well into her 80's, and is a lovely person who has looked after her family very well all her life, the very least we can do for her.

Once everything was in place we left it to dry out, which did not take long, then we gave the whole room a good sand down, ready to paint. We managed to get the filling of the channels and the sanding and painting done in a day. A good clean round and Mum's furniture in. Not an easy job but we did not want her to be without her TV for too long.

Pleased to say she is delighted with the results, and I managed to get some of her beloved family picture put onto the walls today so she is really, really happy. The uplighter in the corner of the picture below is stunning, it has a very bright light at the top which can be controlled by a dimmer switch on the cable and it also has a flexible reading light. Found this in Carrefour in Granada and a bargain at €24.90. I am going back for one for my lounge

Sorry about the photos I am having a mare of a day with blogger and that is no fun with a migraine .....sob!

Next up I hope will either be pan hanging.....(yeah I know that should have been next but there is a story with that one) Or it will be the sitting lounge as we are busy with that now.

Three Posts in One

2006-09-20T11:05:00.000+02:00

In Search of Narnia

Cave houses often throw up the odd surprise now and then, especially if they are quite old, and have not been fully reformed; our cave house is no exception. Early in our renovation scheme, when we were digging the channels for the new electrics we found two alcoves in two different rooms. I had hoped that we might find more rooms; I guess that is the kid in me. However the two alcoves that we found were of reasonable size so we opened them up, and cleared out the rubble that lay behind them. I have been told that it was common practise to close up rooms that were no longer needed and therefore not used. I can imagine that once the family had flown the nest, the parents would have had no need for the extra rooms, and from a practical point of view, it would have cut down on the cleaning.

The alcove that we found in the room which is going to become our bar, will house the cooler for the beer pumps, and a fridge for ice and mixers, not forgetting the lovely terracotta beakers that I have found. Placed in the ice box they are nice for beer and cold drinks, and seem to have the ability to keep drinks far cooler than glasses, which have been placed in the ice box.

The alcove that we opened up in my mother’s room is a useful addition to he walk in wardrobe, which we have now finished, although I was gutted when the alcove did not in fact go to Narnia. I have rummaged around behind the clothes hanging in the wardrobe to no avail. We have decided not to tile the floor and mother asked that we paint it green, like grass. We were originally going to put a curtain across the doorway to the wardrobe, but mother decided that a roller plain blind would be nice. She has a light coloured roller blind in place, and she intends to cut out four window sections and stitch in clear vinyl so that it looks like a window and hang drapes at either side. I think she misses a window in her room, not one to look out of just to look at.

A Terrace to Die For

The terrace had become a bit of a bone of contention for us, and we envisaged that it was going to take far more work than we had expected. The main problem being that it was now on more than one level, partly because of the building work that had taken place and partly because we changed our mind about the tiles. The original tiles, although lovely were just not man enough for the job, and we really should have seen this from the start, however these are the mistakes that we were supposed to make in order for us to become wiser !

Our young group of musicians actually helped to lay the first section, albeit not dead flat, but hey this is rustic. ‘Im indoors’ has battled on with the rest of the terrace and the little problems that it has thrown up, and I have to announce it is nearly finished……whoo hoo. We just have the edge tiles to lay, which should be happening this evening when it is cooler, they are all cut an ready to go in place.

I am quite impressed with my other half, as he has shown a certain level of determination with the terrace project, staying out in all sorts of weather to complete a row. However the effects on his body have been grave. Scuffed knees that would make coarse grade sandpaper look smooth, fat fingers and fat toes where they have been hit by mallets and paving slabs, premature grey hair which was the combination of dust from the grinder and stress, and last but not least, the inability to stand upright due to tilers back syndrome.

This is most certainly going to be ‘A Terrace to Die For’……almost

Going on the Rails

Kitchens can never be too big and can never have too much storage areas. My kitchen was designed to be big, and the heart of the home. It is big and airy and just has base units. I did not want wall mounted units, firstly I am somewhat vertically challenged, so reaching wall cupboards, has always been the bane of my existence. Wall cupboards always collect dust and grime on the top which constantly has to be cleaned, again for some of my stature this is not desirable. I do have lots of base units, 6 doubles, 1 single and two drawer units, but I also have a lot of kitchen bits and bobs. I have a lot of hanging things, like kitchen implements and it is always a pain having to trot back and forth to find things when in the middle of some culinary masterpiece.

I decided that rails with s shaped hooks would be perfect, allowing me to hang my precious bits and bobs where I needed them and could reach them. I found a rack unit in Lidl which was reasonably priced, this had two rails and stainless steel racks for kitchen roll, cooking foil, coffee filters and another random shelf. Sadly I managed to pick the only rack set that did not have the rail mountings or the hooks, and I frankly could not be arsed to drive for 2 hours to exchange it. Looking around the local furry terrier I found brackets to mount the rails, more rails, and the s shaped hooks. In all now I have 6 rails in various locations in my kitchen. All of my kitchen tools are right at hand and my little coffee cups are displayed above my coffee machine. So I am now a happy little bunny, and nothing is going off the rails, most definitely going on the rails !

Next Up.....The finished terrace, Maybe a roof!! And Pan Hanging........

Sing For Your Supper Tour

2006-08-07T13:28:00.000+02:00

The Sing For Your Supper Tour was a unique experience for a young group of budding British Rock Musicians. These young people come from our home town in the Uk and the surrounding areas. The initial group had started out as three bands, but sadly one of the bands had to back out, leaving the remaining two bands with a bit of a budget problem.

The inital idea for the tour came from the young people themselves, they looked into the feasibility of the idea and then set about forming a working plan and a budget. They wanted to tour France and Spain, singing and playing to pay for their camping fees and food. The group were supported by the TCR Teesdale Community Resources, the shape of two youth and community workers and then another joined just in time for their gigs.

"A community charity run by volunteers, working together to advance education, protect health, relieve poverty and sickness in Teesdale. TCR offers recreational and leisure activities to develop physical, mental and spiritual wellbeing."

TCR were there for support only and did not play a part in the decision making, and were there to make sure that the group stayed safe and well.

The Picture below is of a young Spanish lad who works as the mechanic in the local motorbike shop and he asked if he could join the young groups on one of the gigs in Spain . They were only too happy to oblige and we all thought that Francisco did extremely well espcially as he was playing on his own and from what we could gather, for the first time, in front of an audience. We think he got a lot out of the experience as did the young british groups.

During the week that these young people stayed with us we found them to be responsible, friendly, polite, funny and very caring. It was a joy to have shared in this experience with them. The pictures below speak volumes, as they are all preparing a birthday cake for the Main man at TCR Keith 'Joe' Jones as it was going to be his birthday on the Wednesday.

I have to tell you that the young men in the group actually made their own contribution to the cake making and there was a secret ingredient in both the cake and the topping. As I have been sworn to secrecy I could not tell you what that was..........lol

The night before Joe's birthday this group helped us clear and lay most of our terrace. I have never seen young people work with such enthusiam nor committment, they were determined to get this done so that the terrace area was looking nice for the BBQ that we provided to celebrate Joe's birthday and to thank the group for the hard work that they had put in. Not exactly sing for your supper but it followed the same ethos.

Joe was specially dressed for the evening, albeit with some help from his friends. We found him some stunning pick shell suit trousers and and dreamy lime green floaty kaftan. For this evening Joe was dressed by Shona and Vanessa.

The birthday boy was presented with a hand made card, I think that Bex was the designer and the others signed the card with their ................er....................warm greetings, like all young people do.

Due to the extremes in temperatures that they experienced on the way through France and Spain, a lot of their equipment took the toll, the drum kit especially. The heat had managed to warp the snare drum, and it took ages and a lot of inginuity to get it to sound anywhere near the way it should. As you can see from the picture below it was held together with gaffa tape. Shona wrote messages of support for the drummers on the drum.

Despite the heat and their concerns over the equipment, their spirits stayed high as did their enthusiasm and their expectations. Shona and Mike managed some moves, to entertain us.

The first gig they played was in a music bar in Cullar (Granada Region) called the Bovidad. Think that is how you spell it..... They were fed, watered and paid for this gig and when I say fed, I mean fed. They started off with salad, then came plates of chips with bacon. When we thought that this was the end they came out with the biggest burgers you have ever seen. Most of the band members could not finish.

The first few minutes of the gig were a bit quiet, and then the place filled. Now this bar is big and has an outside terrace, but we ended up standing like sardines the bar was so full. Both The Blue 42's and Theory got a rousing reception, which was brilliant.

Theory were excellent despite the fact that their lead singer Emma was just recovering from Glandular Fever, and had not been feeling that well for the two days prior to the first gig

The second gig was in a bar just on the outskirts of Cullar in a bar called Sabuanca, this was and outside gig and thankfully that evening was the coolest we have had for some time. Photos were a little hard to get as there was a fountain dead centre so it made things tricky.

We would like to congratulate both bands and those others that came along to help and support the bands and their friends. The camping on the mountain cannot have been easy, but at least it was free. We are very proud of all of them, because of the way that they dealt with all obstacles that they found in their way, and applaud their ability to stay cheerful and focused on what must have been a rewarding but challenging trip.

At the time of this blog entry they will not have arrived back to the UK their estimated time of arrival in the Uk is August 14th. Two of Theory's band members flew back on Saturday as they had to get back to work.

Barnard Castle and Teesdale if you are reading this I hope you give them the homecoming they deserve, as some of the finest ambassadors that Teesdale has seen for a good while.

Guys if any of you are reading this, well done you are all legends in Cullar and they want to know when you are coming back again. We have not been able to walk down the street without people coming up to us and telling us how great you all were. We also miss you all !

Update: Please help support Teesdale Community Resources by signing this online petition, which is asking the local planning committee not to uphold an objection by Sport England to the Application amde by TCR to construct new premises. Upshot is Sport England want the tennis court that which will be demolished in oder to facilitate the new building. Fact of the matter is this tennis court has not been used for nearly a decade !

If you feel able to add your support please follow the link for the online petition..

Online Petition Please Sign

Thank you

Kittens

2006-08-02T11:53:00.000+02:00

This little chap on the above is a rescue kitten that I did not expect to take home with me, this is more than usual with me. I go somewhere for something and come home with something else. He was rescued from some children who were kicking him around like a football. Luckily for him a good samaritan and a very nice lady, decided to save him and bring him home, despite the fact she already had a litter of kittens that she needed to home. He was so very lucky that she was there for him in his time of need. 'im indoors' was less than delighted but has taken to the little guy very well to the point of naming him.....he is fooling no one....lol

I had actually gone for this little girl, at the very top, she is on the right of the picture, which had all been agreed before hand, but this little guy was so friendly and jumped into my cat carrier so it was a done deal.

This is little Rubia now playing in one of the storage rooms, starting to find her feet and things to play with.
This is Big Al now he likes nothing better than to find a piece of fluff to carry aroung and play with.
When there is nothing left to play with the play by themselves, and quite enjoy a bit of rough and tumble.

Then when all of that has become far to exhausting they tuck up on the couch for a nap, but still cannot resist a little play before bedtime.

I am now up to five cats and four dogs, but 'im indoors' is still speaking to me so all is well.

Yeso Spraying

2006-07-23T19:40:00.000+02:00

Holiday time is over and my daughter has returned to the UK so back to some serious work. Due to my inability to stay on my feet without breaking them, we have got a little behind with the work on the cave. We are due more visitors at the beginning of August, and I do not mean the odd one or two I mean a lot, mainly teenagers, who are all rock musicians and are doing a tour of France and Spain. Before you think we have taken leave of our senses, the group are being brought by a good friend of ours who is a Youth and Community Worker from the area where we used to live. One of his functions in life is too help young people to help themselves and explore every facet of who they can be. One of 'Joe's' project is a recording studio and providing the young people somewhere they can receive tuition, suport and advice. We believe in Joe's work 1000% and will support and assist where we are able. My other half's son Rick will be in this party of musicians.

Now given the volume of people, who will mainly be camping on the top of our mountain, and also given, that we only have one bathroom, my thoughts are.......this is going to get messy. Our great need was to get the additional living accommodation finished or somewhere near and at the very least get another toilet and handbasin functioning. This is where the panic set in as we knew that we had no way in hell of getting the place covered in yeso, in such a short space of time. Let alone get the tiling done and the bathroom fittments in. Our savious came in the guise of a spanish builder who, as it turned out also was a yeso sprayer. Now we had heard of this but for some reason had not been able to locate one, until now.

180 bags of special yeso were ordered for the job, this yeso is specially made to be used with the yeso spraying machine and it is called yeso de proyeccion. At 8.30am yesterday the yeso sprayer and his crew arrived to commence work.

This is the machine, it is quite large, and has a constant feed of water and yeso, which means that there is someone with the machine all of the time. It looks like a big blender, and the bags of yeso are poured into the top through a grille where it is mixed with water and then fed into the the long hoses.

This is a top view of the grille, the inside looks a bit like the inside of a twin tub washing machine with paddles constantly mixing the yeso and the water

This is the yeso sprayer in action. He does small sections at a time and keeps the nozzle of the hose close to the wall, which greatly minimizes the splash back effect.

He was very careful around the electrical sockets, although we have not connected the power yet to this area. He was also very careful around the door frames and window frames. We removed the window, shutters and doors before he began.

This is a view of the bathroom showing that the contours of the rock were still visisble but well covered.
This is a view of the larger bedroom showing the effect that was acheived.

More views of the bedrooms.

These are views of the cave lounge and where we have had to stregthen the ceiling at one point. The void that can be seen will be blocked up and we will hand yeso this area, when it is completed.

This final shot is the other end of the cave lounge which has a tunnel/passage way that leads into what will eventually be the office. The area to the right near the tunnel/passage way it where the TV etc will go we are going to dig a shelf out to house the various other bits and pieces and then finish with yeso by hand.

We are delighted with the finish as the newer addition to the property has the same finish as the previously unrestored caves, so it all ties in very nicely. So there you have it Yeso spraying, not exactly cheap but we did have five rooms sprayed and it only took one day. Worked out at about €500 per room including materials.

Pedaloes, Lakes and Sunburn

2006-07-22T16:53:00.000+02:00

A day at one of the beautiful lakes in this area, is a real day out. Not only are you surrounded by a very beautiful backdrop, but it is so quiet. There are a few lakeside restuarants who sell the most delightful fish dishes, and of course the odd drink or two.... There are also shingle type beaches where there is no overcrowding.

We took out a pedalo which cost us €5 for an hour which I thought was very reasonable and very good excercise. Having said that I know that we were out for a grat deal longer than an hour and I offered him more, but he would not take it.

The lake is full of fish, don't ask me what type, I just know that there were big ones and little ones in Negratin, and I was swimming with them. The lake is very cool, and the deeper you get the cooler it gets. Very, very pleasant when it is baking hot and it seems there is nowhere to get cool. The day we were there was a scorcher, and I was delighted to be in the water, even though it did take my breath away.

We will be going back again soon as I had a great time despite the sunburn. I will be taking food this time to snack upon, and plenty of sun cream.

Granada and Alhambra Palace

2006-07-22T16:12:00.000+02:00

We decided that it was a must to visist Granada whilst my daughter was here and although had kind of planned the day in advance we managed not to get a very early start, best laid plans of mice and men... We stopped for some food just outside Granada and decided that in view of the late start it would only be possible for us to take in one of the tourist attractions and that would have to be the most famous. Alhambra.

The little specks that you can see are my daughter and myslef, just before the batteries died on the camera....Doh! I have to say to anyone who has not yet visited Alhambra, do it now it is well worth the visit. You will need a good day to do this, and make sure that you are fit, have sensible clothing, as you will struggle otherwise. We took my mother, and because she has a heart condition and we knew there would be a good bit of walking, we took her wheelchair, just as well as she would never had made it otherwise.

This is my daughter posing again, taking photos here is an art form and a lot of patience is required as there are so many people milling around doing exactly the same. It is often difficult to get a clear shot, oh and take more than one set of batteries for your digi cam. I did but my camera is a bit fussy about batteries and just will not operate if you load the ones it does not like.

Beverley looks somewhat bored on this one, well she was, mainly because her Gran insisted looking around all the gift shops, whereas Bev wanted to go to the main attraction and we were running out of time. If I went again I would not be taking anyone in a wheelchair unless they were quite happy just to sit and admire the gardens as the whole thing is not wheelchair friendly including some parts of the gardens.

The gardens are stunning and extensive, very ornamental and very tranquil, with lots of water features and shaded areas, which were very much appreciated as it was a very hot and humid day.

Sadly these were all the phots that I managed to take before the camera died which was such a dreadful shame as there was so much to see and lots of ornamental plaster work, the like of which I have never seen. It cost us €10 per head for the full tour, you can also hire electronic guides which tell you all about the areas you are in, very handy indeed. With a bit more forward planning a guide book would have been most helpful, as most of the time we did not know what we were looking at as there is not much in the way of information around on the tour.
We got caught in a terrible downpour and mother got soaked. My other half, Rob, took her back to the car and Bev and I finished the tour. I have to say we were both exhausted and dripping with sweat by the time we had finished as there were lots and lots of stairs to climb.

I have enclosed a link so if any of you plan a trip to Alhambra you will at least have some idea of the scale and also the history. I will go again but this time with batteries for my camera and also a guide book.

Guide to Alhambra de Granada

Rooftop Ramblers

2006-07-22T15:16:00.000+02:00

It is amazing what or who you find on your roof when you live in a cave house. It is not unusual for people to stroll around on the roof whilst they are making their daily journeys. Personally I think I would find it a little uncomfortable as we consider a roof of a property to be a bit private and you would not think of walking around on someones roof. In the Uk it would not normally be possible, so I guess the concept is very strange to us.

These evening visitors are not unusual as such but it still makes me giggle, I never considered having sheep roaming and grazing on my roof. They are well managed with a couple of sheep dogs and a shepherd and most of them have large cow bells around their necks which makes a melodic clanking sound, very pleasant on the ears.

It has to be said that the dog is more than a little bemused. I suspect he has never seen a sheep in his life, and for good measure there are few goats too. The only time he barks is when he catches a glimpse of the sheepdog. I suspect he knows that the dog that used to visit us before we moved in, that I so wanted to adopt, was one of the sheepdogs......lol

Stairways And Mary Poppins Moments

2006-06-11T19:03:00.000+02:00

I am still on crutches so have not been able to assist with the building works, so I have had to content myself with shuffling around the house and sitting on the computer. The chaps have been getting on with some of the tougher jobs that we had left until later when we had time to consider our options and methods. One of these jobs was moving the vigas into place ready to build the stariway to the roof and the land above.

The vigas are very big and very heavy, and had initially been put in place by the lorry that delivered them. We knew that moving them would not only be very difficult but also had a certain element of danger had we not planned it out correctly. A fair bit of brute strength was required, a lot of measuring and discussion and the use of hydraulic jacks. It was a time consuming job but between the two chaps they managed to get the job done. The vigas have steel bracing across them in many places to hold them close to the borders, and as you can see one of the vigas is less that straight, it was banana shaped before they started.

All the borders in place now and the base at the bottom concreted in , all that remains is to add more concrete and gradually put the steps in place, and then fit the handrail and guard rail to the open side. There will be a gate at the top which will lead into an area that we are preparing to fence off for the dogs.

We bought a big umbrella for the table on the terrace, as we are more or less south facing it is essential to have some sort of shade. We realised that an umbrella of this size would need a sizeable base, so we bought a large plant pot and cut it down to size so that it would fit under the table, filled it will concrete and when it was nearly set we thrust the base of the umbrella into it to make a hole.
This plan worked perfectly, the base was good and strong and had more than enough weight to keep the umbrella anchored, however with all the stunning ideas we have there is usually a slight design fault!!
Earlier today the lovely Aud was getting some fresh air whilst she read her book and I put up the umbrella for her so that she had some shade. It has been a bit blustery today, so this was a good test for the base. I decided to get some ironing out of the way in the kitchen, where I have a perfect view of the terrace. Now the base did the job perfectly, however I did not account for the fact that the wind would actually lift the umbrella out of the base and across the terrace. It was a bit like watching a flying saucer as it hovered above the table, I had visions of Mary Poppins as I tried to retrieve it.

Plan B was quickly executed......a hole was drilled through base and pole and a pin put in place and that was locked into the base. We do not think that it is going anywhere now....we hope !!

Come Rain, Hail or Shine

2006-06-03T12:16:00.000+02:00

Well I reckon ' him upstairs' has a wicked sense of humour, we had nicely started the final rendering on the kitchen when the hail arrived. Yes I do mean hail, those white frozen balls that fall out of the sky, however scarily big hailstones, the sort that dent cars, and turn nice smooth render into inverted pebble dashing !!! I had to also spare a thought for our silly dally dog who decided that the best time to go out and have a pee was right in the middle of the hailstorm. Now this silly mutt of mine has probably never seen hail stones before, having been rescued from just above Alicante and being just two years old. I sadly did not get a picture of him, but boy was he confused. He was standing there cocking his leg as hail stones bombarded him, he just could not work out what was hurting him.

However the next day the sun came back out to play and we were able to continue, and able to repair the damage that the hail stones had done. Place is starting to look somewhere near finished, although this is mostly an illusion.

The kitchen is taking shape day by day but we have to concentrate mainly on the other areas and the kitchen is now workable and I have all my appliances in bar the extractor.

This run of cupboards is not finished yet as we are missing two drawer packs and are waiting for them to be made, when finished the drawer packs will be at either end of these units and will have the brick facings in between and in place of a kick board. Then we have to put the work top on and tile. I do not think that I will have any problem with storage, as in the norm in most Spanish kitchens.

This base unit will finally become my island unit with wheels and and oversized worktop on three of the sides so that it can also be used as a breakfast bar.

This is the outside of the kitchen looking from the terrace. We have managed to get a few of the tiles down so that we have an area outside where we can sit, and enjoy the view of the rest of building site.....LOL

This the finished unit for the water meter that had to be moved from where the new kitchen is now to the outside of the kitchen.

We committed a bit of a gaff with the electric meter. We had the new meter and fuse box etc installed some months ago but it actually did not cross our minds at the time that although outside the house it was actually going to need to be outside the property as we have walled and fenced the outside. When the electricity board came out to approve it and upgrade the supply they told us it had to be moved. So this is where it was.

And this where we had to move it to. It was a bit of a pain but fortunately not too costly as we did all of the labour and just got our electrician to move the wiring etc. One lesson learnt.

We had a section of ceiling in the new cave lounge that really needed additional support, just to be on the safe side, and these are some of the supports that are going in. There are vigas behind, and the whole of the area above will be filled so that there is no danger of the ceiling falling on our heads. Both the lounge floor and the bathroom floor have now been concreted and all the water leaks.....yes there were a few dodgy joints......have been repaired.

The once blocked corridor between the cave lounge and office has been opened and the floor is being dropped, we had to postpone this whilst we carried on with the bedrooms and the lounge as we needed the area for storage

I can honestly say that all the walls are now up in the bedrooms and wow does it look different. This picture is looking from the guest bedroom along the hallway to the door out onto the terrace.

This is Pete working away outside the lounge door in the hallway. The bathroom is at the end of the hallway as you look at this picture on the left and the doorway into the master bedroom in opposite on the right.

This is a picture of the corner of the dividing wall in the master bedroom, looking from the outside wall.

This is the master bedroom again looking at the other corner of the dividing wall
This is the master bedroom looking towards the door and into the hallway.
And this is the guest room looking at the divinding wall.

We had to remove all of the tiles from the roof of the kitchen as they had all been incorrectly laid, plus very little concrete had been put on the roof, it is a big pain in the bum but there was no avoiding it. We ordered the concrete for both the kitchen roof and the bedroom roof. The day it was due to be delivered was not a promising day at all and we feared there would be every chance or rain, we just hoped that it would hold out until we were finished. You know I said at the beginning of this post that I feel 'him upstairs had a wicked sense of humour' I still stick by that opinion. They started pumping the concrete onto the roof and the heavens opened, and someone must have left the tap on as it did not stop. We got both covered, and began pumping the concrete into the cave lounge for the floor. Everyone was soaked to the skin and covered in concrete......well except me as I am currently on the injured list with a broken foot. I was so looking forward to that job too.....NOT!!
We have built a retaining wall above the roof of the bedrooms, and will possibly start work on the stairs up to the garden, and getting the fence posts in for the animal run on the roof of the main cave. Lots more hard work to go but we are getting there.

Kitchen Nearing Completion

2006-05-12T16:54:00.000+02:00

Well things are certainly moving on at pace. One side of the kitchen is nearly completed, the units are in and the bricks have been put inbetween, the wall lights are up and the ceiling light and fan should go in tomorrow.The cooker is also in place as are my kitchen applicance. The unit has been prepared for the sink and the plumbing checked. Today the work top tiles have been fixed and they will be grouted tomorrow.

Cannot finish the other run of units as the drawer packs were not complete when we opened them so we have to return to Murcia to collect them before we can finish. The windows and the shutters have had yet another coat of stain and will be varnished soon and glazed. The grilles are finished and will be delivered any day now so that we can finish rendering the outside.

I have already christened my new oven and I have to say it is wonderful to be able to cook two large roasting tins of food side by side in the oven and still have room for another to shelves, my idea of heaven. More I hope tomorrow.

First Post From Andalucia

2006-05-11T18:09:00.000+02:00

I have finally got my computer up and running and have access to my camera again, which means the photos that have been languishing there, get to see the light of day. We have been in the cave house now since a week gone Sunday, and boy was the weather mean to us. Rain, Rain and more Rain.....GGGrrrr!!! We really did not need the rain, in fact it was the worst thing that could have happened. Due to the fact that nothing much is finished we had to store a creat deal of our stuff in the unfinished bedrooms and the unfinished caves. The cave rooms were dry so there was not too much of a problem there, but as the roof was not completed on the bedrooms the rain just came in and soaked everything. It was a bit of a mess for a while but there was nothing that we could do about it, and concluded that we would just have to weather the storm.

Finally the rain passed and we were able to get on with the work a little quicker. The rough render was completed inside the kitchen and then the final plaster went on. I wanted a rustic affect as I did not want the new kitchen to stand in stark comparrison to the cave, so I asked Chris if he could do the final render with that in mind. Chris is not only a brilliant builder but it seems he is also a mind reader. The finished effect was soooo what I had in mind.

The ceiling was a bit of a challenge due to the slope from the cave to the outside walls, none the less Chris tackled it with ease, but his arms were tired at the end of the day.

Next job was the floor and boy did they have fun with that. The floor was not even slightly level so it was decided to lay the tiles onto cement so that the level could be achieved. Wise decision as it turns out as the floor is now nice and level.

I decided on black grout as I thought it would stand out nicely with the tiles and with four dogs and 3 cats and assorted humans paddling in and out, white grout really did not stand a chance.

We have the wall and the fence up to keep in the mutts, my cat Dee likes the gate post as it affords her an excellent view of her territory, incidently I built that gate post with my own fair hands, much to the bemusement of one of our elderly spanish neighbours. He could not work out why him indoors was all clean and inside wiring the kitchen whilst the little woman was covered in sweat and cement and building a gate post.

The spotty one, Charlie has claimed the sand pile as his own. This is his vantage point where he can see just that little bit further whilst he guards his domain. He spends hours sitting up there watching, and the rest of the time he is lying further down the pile sunbathing. I had to put aftersun on his tummy the other night as he had overdone it and was feeling a bit sore.
This is Chris who is saying "that is the second one you have taken of me" .....lol Joe & Carolyn if you are reading this, your son is a lovely young man who we have become very fond of. He is an absolute credit to you, and you would be justified in being very proud of him. Besos...Van XX
Ah the lovely Aud, this was the day after her 82nd birthday and she asked for a glass of Ponche, her fav tipple, however she did not bank on it coming in a goldfish bowl, that really made us laugh.... :-))
And me as usual in full 'hiding from the camera' mode How anyone gets a picture of me is a mystery there are countless photos of someone hiding behind various objects.
Oh and this is my new bike or rather this is what I will be getting and mine is going to be in black, hells granny. Only about a week before I take delivery then Andalucia should be afraid, very afraid.

More to follow and you will not believe how much we have got done.

At Last

2006-04-30T09:10:00.000+02:00

Well the day that we have all been looking forward to has finally arrived. This will be my last post from Murcia, we move today.

Cave is pretty much the same on the outside but some considerable work has taken place on the outside. We now have a wall and fence around the terrace and gates to keep the mutleys in. I have been told that the kitchen will be finished by Thursday.

A builder friend has now joined us and will be helping us with the work for a month and we have a neighbour who is also a builder who will be able to work for days at a time, when we need him.

It is going to be much easier being on site and not having to drive backwards and forwards as that is a good 8 hours out of the working week and pretty tiring. We really picked a good weekend to move Fiesta weekend....Doh! Again this is down to our stunning organisational skills. On the bright side our little village does have its own fiesta on the 3rd of May, which is excellent as it is my mothers Birthday, and I always think it is jolly decent when you get a free party......lol

Signing off from Murcia .........Next post is from Andalucia.....Whoo Hoo !!!!

2006-04-14T16:28:00.000+02:00

Soooo……. the end gig thing happened but the photos did not. I think my bro took some but my camera had a bad battery day so I failed which is probs just as well as I ended the evening drinking milk. I think the stress of the work we have on the cave and the packing that needs to be done for the end of the month move, have more than messed with my poor little body and my ulcer.

However a good time was had by all and it was quite an emotional evening and the end of an era. But time stands still for no one and we are now starting another era which is the new cave house.

We have been working at the house this week, alone for the first time, without the watchful and knowing gaze of Mike and the Mechanics. It is all very daunting as we are not builders, and although we have some knowledge, this by no means makes us experts

We have managed to complete various tasks this week but the gains do not look significant for the amount of time, sweat and tears that have gone into it. We have our two youngest teenagers with us until the25th of this month and the timing could not have been worse, this has meant that we have had to take them with us whilst we work so as far as a holiday goes we suck as parents and feel really bad about this, but our time constraints are a such we now have to move at the end of the month ready or not.

Stress is now starting to get the better of us and whilst not wishing to sound negative we were seen the day before yesterday sitting on a straw bale with our heads in our hands. I guess we are just tired and feeling very jaded and daunted by the task ahead, and we do not often get like this. We will get there and I am sure that with a rest today we will feel a little better when we return Sunday.

This week we have managed to finish the arch from the new kitchen into the pantry, we have also finished the serving hatch from the kitchen, almost completed the wiring, and started rendering in the kitchen.

Rick, our youngest son has started to lower the floor in the tunnel between our office and lounge digging out steps and shovelling barrow loads of soil and rock in the process, we were very proud of him but also worried that he was doing too much. Being 6’3” this was not an easy task for him as he constantly had to stoop in the tunnel. And we have to do something about some of the doorways as he has bashed his head so many times we are fearing he will have some form of brain damage.

Our youngest daughter Bev has helped me with the arch in the kitchen and the serving hatch and was fascinated by yeso, she has now ideas about moulding little dolphins onto my bathroom walls in yeso. I will let her run with that as she is a brilliant artist and I would like all the kids to have some hand in the family home that will someday belong to them.

I have decided that working with yeso is a finite art and I think, and I do think that I have now got the hang of it. Rick also made great inroads into the cave bathroom by using the flicking yeso technique which I have to say he managed brilliantly once shown. Thanks here to CR and Mrs CR for the initial tuition.

Next week more rendering but we do have a builder who can spare us a few days and as long as he does not spend that time rolling around on the floor laughing at us all will be well and dandy.

Our kids are with us until the 25^th of this month. We have the son of a friend who is also coming to stay 22^nd of this month, and guess what? He is a builder too so there is a god.

We think it is going to get a little crowded but it cannot get any worse. Hope the next post is a bit more upbeat, so forgive a little negativity as I cannot be sunshine and light all of the time, and exhaustion tends to get the better of you…..lol

Next post will have some good photos now that my camera has stopped having a blonde day, not sure what that was all about but next post should be good.

Before I forget I had a significant bird moment early the other morning and due to my position could not see the markings on this bird. Cheeky little monkey was sitting on one of the cables overhead shouting at me. It kind of looked like a magpie in profile but with a crest on its head, and the noise it made was deafening. I think that it was a cuckoo, although I could be wrong. Best description it was about the same size and shape as a bog standard magpie UK variety. It did not have a long beak quite small in fact and it did have some sort of a crest on its head. But as for colouring I could not tell you as I was looking into the sun. The noise it made well here goes, it was kinda of a Kau ka kau then it screeched and flew off. I hasten to add I am a bird lover but terrified of birds, so this was quite awesome for me.

Two Weeks Work

2006-03-31T23:46:00.000+02:00

Well after two weeks solid work this is what we have ended up with, and it is nothing short of a miracle, that this amount of work has been done.

We still have a lot of work to do in the main cave, but it was impossible to do whilst our team of builders were living and working there. We are going to concentrate of the re wiring and finishing inside the cave, and also getting the new kitchen up and running.

The cave lounge has to be left for a while so that the structural work can be completed, and the yeso has a chance to dry out.

This is more or less the completed picture so far, there is an awful lot more work to do, but we have the kitchen to a stage where we can finish it.

This is an inside view of the additional bedrooms, we are having one very large bedroom and a smaller guest room, with a corridor leading to the cave bathroom and cave lounge. I am not sure that the pictures really give a clear idea of size, but trust me the whole structure is massive.

This is the kitchen roof going on and I am pleased with the tiles we picked. We did not want something that stuck out like a sore thumb, we wanted the new builds to be as unobtrusive as possible. I think that once we have the chino on the whole building which will be white at the top and beige to the base, then it will all blend very nicely with the surrounding properties and the mountain side.

This is my team of builders who are clearly very please with what they achieved in two weeks. I think they have every right to be smiling as they have done a first rate job. Well done lads !

This is him indoors with the Team Leader Mike. Him indoors usually stands upright but I think that this is the best he could manage after a week labouring for the lads. Although that said he may chose to adopt this position to fall in with the stereotypical image that some people have of cave dwellers…….Ug!

This is ‘Mike and the Mechanics’ on their way home to Murcia, having a well deserved beer on the way.

They have just told us that because they did not manage to get the tiles on the apartment they are coming back in two weeks to help us finish the project. What stars !!!!

Next post is Him Indoors and his last night singing at Franky’s. He has sung there for the last 5 years so this is a bit of an occasion, a little sad as it is the end of an era, but time stands still for no man. We have had some very happy times at Franky’s and he has, over the years become a good friend. Some of the photos on the next post may appear out of focus, this will probably be due to operator error.

The Builders Leave

2006-03-31T17:42:00.000+02:00

Ok this is the traumatic part, today our building team leave as they are required on another job, we knew this and they knew this when they started, but all the same it is a shame that they could not be with us to complete. However we are truly grateful to them not only for the very hard work they have put in, but also for their kindness, their ability to retain a sense of humour even when they are exhausted, for putting in more hours than was asked or expected, and lastly for being such a great bunch of lads, who we hold in very high regard.

Today and Thursday this great bunch of lads got up much earlier than normal, (the fact that I cooked them an Indian meal the night before may have some bearing on this) and they had the cement mixer going before I had even had chance to focus. They were determined to try and get certain jobs finished before they left…..Bless!

I believe today they managed to complete all the doors and windows and window ledges and also put the tiles on the kitchen roof. I have not been able to be there today, but I have had a call to say they have worked very hard and completed more than we expected.

On Wednesday or was it Tuesday god knows I cannot remember, we had another Yeso fest. Now unless you have done this you will have no idea what it is all about, but I reckon given the right conditions it would be more of a crowd puller than mud wrestling.

We had two caves rooms that were in a totally natural state, and contrary to some very misguided opinions this is not a dank, dark slimy place with snot hanging from the ceiling……yes you know who you are !!!!

The idea is that you seal the rock with a fairly liquid solution of yeso and then build upon this in layers of thicker yeso. This should form a nice solid crust which if you like takes on the contours of the rock, but in a softer way. One of the rooms has quite a high ceiling and trying to get the yeso up there was hilarious to say the least. Of the three of us only one was tall enough or strong enough to launch the yeso to that height. Now if you consider the technique involved you will understand why, a great deal of yeso actually missed the walls and ceilings and hit us instead.

The technique is a kind of flicking motion with the yeso and it seems the closer you stand the more you wear, however I did later find that I could flick yeso standing very close but using little force, and did not wear that much. I think this is all about finding a happy medium.

We initially started without goggles and head gear, now I am sure I said on this blog that they were a must…..what was I thinking. Having got a dollop in each eye at the same time, goggles were sought and then towels for our hair. We still managed to cover ourselves and each other; end game the room was pretty much covered. We had to leave it at that as the floor had now become like a skating rink and we were walking out of there in shoes that felt like stilts.

I would like to say a very special thank you CR and Mrs CR, you are stars, there are not many people who I know who would have given up their time and energy to work so hard for mates, and get so filthy, and still have a giggle along the way. Your help was very much appreciated, (as was the beer) and I hope you had as much fun as I did :-)

Well not much more to say until I get the new photos which I will post next

Building Starts

2006-03-26T13:34:00.000+02:00

Right I know this dog really has not got anything to with my blog, building work or renovating a cave, but he was a constant visitor, whilst we were working. He is a timid little chap but as cute as a box of monkeys and not backwards in coming forwards when it came to begging for food. I am sure he has a wonderful home somewhere with one of our neighbours but I was quite taken with him. I have been warned by 'him indoors' that I may not have another dog and more especially I may not have him. I will not sulk, I will just pout for a while.

I was not on site during the initial building phase as I was needed back at home for various reasons, one being work, but we have a very good pictorial account of how work progressed.

Tiles are a big consideration both inside and outside, and I have spent much of this weekend looking at tiles for the various new rooms and some of the existing rooms. The tile in the photograph, I picked out about a month ago for the outside area/terrace, they are non slip and I felt looked quite rustic but very decorative, and in keeping with the natural colours of the surrounding mountain.

Inside tiles had to be picked for the new kitchen and bedrooms and also for the main bathroom. We decided to keep the colours pretty neutral, but trying to keep a warm feeling as there is a lot of white in the cave and house. The kitchen tiles are a warm orange/terracotta with a black/brown fleck in them. The bedroom tiles are slightly lighter and a little more plain, the colour on the tiles is variegated. We picked some mosaic type tiles for the top half of the main bathroom in a warm beige, and for the lower half some small brick type tiles with 6 different coloured bricks to each tile from a pale blonde to a deep terracotta. The second bathroom is truly cave with very rustic walls so I think I am going to take some advice on tiling this room, from someone who knows better.

Window ledges were not something we actually thought about, not sure why, but one of our friends who has been instrumental with the building work, asked what we were doing and suggested marble. I quickly rejected that suggestion as 1) Marble would be very expensive. 2) It did not think that it was in keeping with the cave house. We have opted for a creamy/yellow tile for both the window ledges and also the door steps. This should blend nicely with the very pale beige/cream roof tiles which I feel will blend perfectly with the mountainside above.

We have now found and bought two very plain doors for the kitchen and also for the doorway that will lead from the other restored caves onto the terrace. They needed to be plain and cheap and we have decided that we will daffy them up and stain them so that they blend with the rest of the existing property. Windows had to be wooden and as both the front door and the bar window have internal shutters, we decided that they looked nice and bought the windows to match, again trying to keep everything as much like the existing property as possible.

Footings dug the lads started to put the steel in place and awaited the cement lorry. Work proceeded at some pace, and on the second day, the first line of blocks, were in place. A lot of investigative work needed to be done and one of the most important was to work out the existing water pipe layout, and sewerage. It is a well known fact that certain waste does not run uphill, and to make the mistake in thinking that it does, can be costly and with very unpleasant consequences. Bearing that in mind the drop for the new bathroom was more than crucial. Him indoors and myself, spent a lot of time trying to work out how we were going to achieve this given the current layout, and the best we could come up was putting the toilet on a pedestal and just climbing up to it. Nope that was never going to work……. We are very lucky that our friend worked all of this out for us and plumbing is clearly one of his fortes.

Considering this was the second day the lads were evidently working very hard, but as the footings were still quite weak, there were only so many blocks that could be laid in that day.

The next consideration was moving the water meter as its current location directly where we are building the new kitchen, neither ideal nor I believe allowed. I understand they have to be on an outside wall. Again this was a job for ‘super plumber mate’, this was a task that he found simple, it had baffled the hell out of us. The meter was re-sited on the outside wall of the kitchen.

The next day more blocks were laid and considerations were made for the windows and doors. By the end of day three the vigas were in place for the doors and the windows, and all the plumbing work was in place as was the electric cabling for the kitchen and the bedrooms. Pretty amazing work considering the time scale.

All the doorways were being built from the new bedrooms into the cave rooms. Due to the location of the cave bathroom, we had to make sure that we could have access from both bedrooms and from the cave lounge. I have not quite got my head round curtains instead of doors, and did not much fancy sitting on the throne with just a curtain wafting between me and my privacy. It was decided that a small corridor would have to be built with doors leading from the main bedroom.

The cave lounge has a very high ceiling and the front part of this had to be supported, so this weekend the block work will be constructed internally in readiness for a viga to make sure the weakest part is supported. Also this week some very good friends, and experts in this field are coming to help us and show us how to actually use the yeso correctly. I am sure I will be completely useless as my last attempt with yeso was hardly a success, I just hope they do not laugh at me too much.

The pictures above show all of the new plumbing work that was done for the new cave bathroom. There is still some considerable work to be done on this room, but we are taking the bath from the original bathroom and putting it in the cave bathroom where we will install the shower above it. We acquired a lovely hand basin with vanity unit from my brother in law free of charge, which is the best ever price, and I managed to source a toilet from our local Rastro for €15 so I was well chuffed with that. The toilet is now sitting out in my courtyard ready for transportation, having been cleaned within an inch of its life.

Many other smaller jobs have also been completed and this next week the rush is on to get the floors in, and roof on both the kitchen and the bedrooms. We think that we will be able to complete the external rooms before the end of the week. Well truth be known, we have to as our builders will be gone by the weekend, as they are required on another job! We think that we will be able to finish this once it has got to this stage. It was the main building work that we really needed the help and expertise with.

Next entry will detail the final building work externally, and probably what chaos we numpteys, manage to cause with the rest of the work once the professionals have left us to it!!!!!!!

Work On The Cave House Begins

2006-03-25T09:04:00.000+01:00

It feels like and eternity since we got the keys for the cave house, and at one point we thought that work was never going to start. We had planned everything to the enth degree but with hindsight, nothing ever goes entirely to plan so many of the plans we had to start with had to be modified or scrapped completely.

The first work that needed to be done was upgrading the electrics, they were in a very sorry state and certainly would not be adequate for normal family use. An electrician was employed and he fitted a fuse box and meter. If he ever comes back we would like to pay him !!!! The next very important job was to replace the ageing gas boiler which had been situated in the entrance hall and without any ventilation. Not only illegal, but also very dangerous. We fitted a large electric boiler and whilst a little pricey to run, there would always be a guarantee of hot water.

We spent a week sorting out the internal electrics, fitting new sockets and light switches, and then digging out various little alcoves that had remained hidden. This was quite a task as in some of the rooms our large wheelbarrow would not go through the door, so a great deal of it had to be loaded into the large black builder’s buckets and carried to the wheelbarrow. I have to confess that week I was entirely convinced that I was going to die of backache and I spent the following week shuffling around like a hobbit.

One fun job, oh boy was it fun, was applying Yeso to one of the cupboards/alcoves we had exposed. Now a very good friend and avid reader of this blog, provided details on his own blog about yeso and how to mix it. This has more or less become a bible, as without it I would have had many bucket shaped doorstops. The only thing that was omitted from these wonderful instructions, was an idiots guide as to how to apply it. Now whilst this might seem obvious to a casual reader, those who have done any cave renovation will know that there is a technique involved, and clearly I had not found it.

I was told, but by whom, god knows, that the flicking technique was the best for the type of work that I was going to be doing, one would have thought that ‘flicking’ could only mean one thing. How wrong can you be!

I did manage to get the yeso onto the very rough walls but found that this had to be done very, very quickly or the yeso would start to stiffen, which more than once caused me to panic and dive in with my hands to try and cram as much of this yeso into the nooks as I could before it became unworkable.

I can offer some handy tips on the application of yeso but as yet, not the technique, I await expert instruction this week.

My top tips for applying yeso are as follows:

Body armour has to be the ultimate in protection, but failing that extreme then a good boiler suit or some nasty clothes that you would not even want to be buried in would suffice.

Goggles, and absolute must, I can tell you from experience when you flick the yeso it tends to flick back and is not too fussy about which orifice it lands in. Eyes seem to be a favourite target and let me tell you that is about as nasty as being poked in the eye with a sharp stick. Mouth seems another desired target and whist this does not actually hurt, this yeso is never going to be edible. Nose, another target which does actually cause pain, not at the time but later, like when it has set. I found myself in the bath that evening, and having submerged myself under the water to try and remove the yeso from my hair (more on that in a minute). I held my nose as I was coming back out of the water only to find that I had in fact yeso’d the inside of my nose. Stunning trick but not wholly recommended unless you are very weird and like to see what the inside of your nose looks like……..yew !

Face mask for all of the above reasons.

Head covering. If you are a bloke I would suggest a head shave, this had to be a lot easier than trying to cover it. Women if you can hack it do the same, if not make sure there is not a strand of hair showing, if there is the yeso will find it. No brush on this planet with remove it, just patience and a strong pair of nails, or in extreme case a hairdresser.

Footwear, whilst not actually critical to the application of yeso, if you do happen to stand in the wet stuff like I did, it is very important that you can remove it quickly and that the treads in the footwear are not too deep. Ignoring all of the above will result in the purchase of new footwear.

I know it sounds as though I am a little obsessed with yeso , but one has to try and work with it to understand that it is rather like some alien being which has a mind of it’s own and there is no predictable outcome. Let me just finish with the yeso thing by saying I now have a very healthy respect for it, however it continues to abuse me and treat me like a bitch. I have started therapy and refuse to let the yeso demonise me.

The next big task involved bringing in the big boys, the demolition of the animal pens and the garden. My only one regret was that I was not able to save the almond and the olive tree, but the digger driver said that at this time of the year it would have been impossible. Digger driver turned up early on the Monday morning and after a short conversation began work. In five hours both the garden and the animal sheds were gone and the front of the unreformed caves had been made straight, in readiness for the building work. Now the digger driver was to return the next day with his bobcat to start digging a tunnel from our soon to be pantry and off this tunnel he was going to dig another two rooms.

Now remember when I said that we had planned all of this to the enth degree, but sometimes things had to be changed or modified or tossed onto the scrap heap of ideas? Well this was one such situation. The digger driver did not appear the next day so we plodded on with the re wiring of the cave and other such things. Toward the end of that day we asked our very good friend and Spanish speaker if she would give him a ring and find out what was happening. It turned out that he had broken his bobcat and would not be able to do anything until the following week. This was not good news as we had the builders arriving the following Monday and the footings still had to be dug or they could not even start work. Bearing in mind that I had a team of 3 workers who had been spirited away from the Murcia region and were being paid by the day irrespective of whether they worked or not. Head scratchy time. In the end the digger driver did turn up Monday afternoon and dug the footings, he also dug up a waste pipe from the existing kitchen, despite being shown where it was. I guess this has to be one of the hazards.

So we were ready to start the building work….whoo hoo!

The above picture has nothing at all to do with any of the building work this was just me posing for the camera and trying to make it look like I was doing something constructive. The big giveaway is the plug for this wonderous power tool being in my pocket

Next up, what the builders did.

Telefonica The Final Frontier

2006-03-22T23:16:00.000+01:00

Sorry about the delay in between the posts but life has been a bit hectic

Just as I was starting to get into full venom with regard to Telefonica, they go and pull the rug out from under me. I hope that they realise I am now having to seriously reconsider my position, and the remarks that I have made about them. Whilst they have all been a true account of their dealings with me in the past, I have to say my more recent dealings with them have been more on the astonishing side.

I did finally purchase a cave house in Andalucia and the process was pretty painless although a little more drawn out than I had hoped, but that was more on my side than theirs. I decided to investigate the possibility of getting the phone line reconnected and in turn investigate the possibility of ADSL. I did think my chances were slim, a case of Bob Hope to No Hope. My first call to them went very well and they were more than accommodating but having dealt with them in the past I knew fine well not to trust what they were saying to me, or at least not take it on face value. I had asked if we could have the line reconnected to which they said “Yes no problem”, I did the usual, checking postal address etc but they insisted that this would not be a problem. I then enquired if it would be possible to have one of my lines transferred rather than a new installation and also asked what difference there would be in cost. Again they told me that this would not be a problem and when would I like it done. I told them that we had not actually signed for the house but would let them know as soon as possible.

As you can see I am on a roll here and thought in for a penny what harm will it do to order ADSL? With new found confidence I went for it and asked them if I could have ADSL, there was a moment’s pause and I got a strong YES. Well this answer required a seat and a sturdy one at that. I was not going to be lulled into a false sense of security here and asked them to check and double check, which in all fairness they did and said that there would be no problem at all and it would take between 10 and 20 days.

Previous experience has taught me not to trust a word that they say over the phone, and it is my firm belief that you will normally only get the truth from one of their representatives if you have them grasped delicately by the throat, whilst wearing a menacing look. This representative was not deterred by the constant questions and by now maniacal laughter that was starting to get the better of me. She continued to tell me the cost of the installation and asked if I wanted a router etc, and continued to tell me about free calls from landline to landline in Spain. This was all too much for me and I abruptly ended the call and poured a stiff drink.

Now this is where you all think that this little telefonica dream is going to go pear shaped…………….you guessed it…………………….totally wrong!!!!!!!

I signed for the house a month or so later but in the meanwhile I had constant calls from a lovely telefonica engineer, yes I know I said “lovely” and “telefonica” all in the same sentence, just bear with me. Now this lovely telefonica engineer wanted very badly to install my phone in the new house and no matter how many times I told him he just did not seem to comprehend that I really could not do that until I actually owned the house which would require me signing at the notary. This carried on for some weeks, and was very entertaining. Just in case you think that this is the new and improved telefonica they did at one point revert to form.

One day I was sitting there doing my usual work on the computer and then suddenly the line dropped, I did my usual swore at the phone and then at the computer and dialled the connection again. I then realised that this day was not going to be a good one, no dial tone. I then tried the other line which is our normal phone line the same, no dial tone. Eventually having driven to get a signal on our mobile we managed to contact telefonica who gleefully told us that they had done as we had instructed and transferred the line to our new house. I tried to explain that we did not have the phone installed yet at the new house so how could that be? Yep the phone went down. I spent another hour or so trying to get back to them and this time they told me they had transferred it in readiness for our move. No amount of explaining to them that this was my internet data line that they had transferred, which I still really needed, seemed to make any impression. They finally accepted that maybe they had acted a little prematurely and said that they would have it reconnected. Naturally I asked when would that be, to which they replied 5 working days. I took that one on the chin and asked why the other line had also gone down. Phone went down again.

I decided that I would phone them the next day as I had a telefonica headache developing and I did not want it to get any worse. Next day I phoned again with renewed strength and confidence God knows why! They now told me that both lines had been disconnected as I had not paid my last bill. Ok what last bill?? Now you have to understand that telefonica billing system works purely on telepathy, they intend to send you a bill and you use your telepathic skills to sense when that might be and also the amount. Pretty neat stuff, even more so if it worked. I have just got to accept that I have not sufficiently honed my telepathic skills as there is no way in hell I saw that one coming. When all details of the telepathic bill were given to us we raced to the bank and paid it, problem sorted…………..nope. Five working days if that is ok with you Mrs Johnny brit customer. Eventually one of the lines came back and we decided rather than confuse them or ourselves further we would just leave it at that. Then strangely when we had just come to terms with the fact that we had actually lost one of our lines the dead phone rang. There was a look that went around the room which clearly said “what the hell is that noise coming from that dead phone”, yep it was ringing, and eventually someone came out of their stupid head trance and answered it. There was another brit on the other end of the line asking for someone that we did not know and had never heard of!! We finally sussed that telefonica had indeed allocated us another line but failed to tell us about it, we phoned one of our mobile numbers to find out what the number was and noted it. Now at this juncture I should tell you that I have since had a bill which was for both of the old numbers the disconnected number showed no charge at all and the data line for the internet showed only the tarifa planna that we have for the internet and the line rental nothing more. I am just hoping that the poor soul whose number we clearly have does not incur the costs associated with the calls we have made on that phone.

Ok back to the real story although the digression was quite amusing. In the midst of all this telephone confusion I still have the engineer phoning me now on a daily basis, we are now on first name terms and getting to the point where his family are going to ask us over for dinner. Back to the notary in Baza where we have gone to sign for the house, well that all went well and we were greeted at the new house by some good friends we have made there sporting bottles of champagne. Ten minutes after we arrived Jose the telefonica engineer arrived to say we were all gob smacked was an understatement. He took about 20 mins to install the phone. The Adsl router arrived about a week ago and I will know in the morning if the ADSL is finally activated. Now that is somewhat of a result, and we are still reeling from the shock.

My next post will be about the new cave house, the joys of yeso, water pipes and how sewerage does not go uphill !

The Careful Movers

2006-01-14T11:37:00.000+01:00

A shortish story to let you know about an encounter that I had with Pickfords, this was by no means a brief encounter....sadly!!

Him indoors and myself had decided to go off on one of our jollies to Andalucia. The trip was for many reasons, some connected with our cave house purchase and social reasons. The day had started reasonably well and we had made good time from Murcia to Andalucia. We called into our bank where we had opened our joint account some two weeks previously and asked if we could collect our bank cards. This seemed to be the start of our problems.

It seemed that the cards would be available for collection either Monday or Tuesday of the following week. Doh ! We could kinda live with that, so we thought we would ask to speak to the Bank Manager to see if the valuation had been done on the property and also find out how the mortgage application was going. The manager, we were told, had gone out for petrol and would be back soon, so we elected to go for a coffee in a bar across the road and await his return.

Coffee drank we headed off back to the bank where a long queue had formed, and it appeared that the bank manager was in great demand. We waited there for somewhere near an hour, and finally got our audience with Antonio the bank manager.

Great chap, very friendly and a supporter of British football, even though it seems he supports Liverpool, a somewhat dubious choice of British Club, but each to their own. The mortgage application had not been started and the valuation had not been ordered. This was starting to feel just a little bit dodgy, which is when we decided to phone the agent and get him to explain to the lovely Antonio that he either got the process started and with some haste or we would be taking our custom elsewhere. This seemed to do the trick and Antonio fervently worked on all the documents whilst we waited and within a short space of time all the paperwork had been set in motion.

For us this was a result, but the time spent waiting in the bank had meant that our next appointment was running late. We were due to meet a lady who I had contacted via the internet, who also had a business in one of the nearby towns. We thought that it would be nice to meet her and have a chat, and also have a quick look around the market which would have been in proccess. When we finally arrived at the market, there was very little of it left so I gave the lady a call to find out where I would find the bar that we had intended to meet in. Sadly, due to the late hour she was heading off to collect her daughter from school but arranged to meet us at a local garage so that we could follow her back to her cave house and have a coffee. We decided to find the bar in any event and have a quick drink and if possible a bite to eat as we had about half and hour to kill before we met up for our next appointment.

The bar was found very easily and we ordered a small beer and a brandy, and this came with a plate of paella, although initially we were not sure who the paella was for. We scoffed the paella and I have to say it was wonderful. I am not a great fan of paella, it is ok but not something that I would normally chose to order, this however was an exception.

Tummy's full we headed off to meet our new friend and head off to look at her cave home. We headed off the main road and onto a muddy track. The rain that we had over the days previous had made the road very muddy and we were sliding all over the place. Finally we reached her house but the road had been blocked by a very large Pickfords lorry who were delivering packages to her neighbour. We soon settled down and had a nice chat about the area over a cup of coffee and her friend joined us for a chat. We learnt quite a lot about this particular part of the area for which we were grateful.

We said our goodbyes and headed off for the final visit of the day with two very good friends we have made locally. Our plan was to meet with our new friends at their house, another cave home, and have a good look around and a natter before heading back to our current home in Murcia.

All I can say is "the best laid plans of mice and men" !!! As we were getting into our car the lady from next door told us that we would not be able to get out as the Pickfords lorry was stuck in the mud and blocking the road. Terrific we thought, but as the car that we were driving was very small we thought that there may be a way for us to squeeze our car past, where maybe a larger vehicle would not be able to pass.

Nope not a chance, how wrong could we have been. When we got to the lorry it was stuck fast and this was no ordinary lorry it was in two parts and some 69' long. Driver and mate were not looking happy bunnies, and once we realised our predicament we were not happy bunnies either.

Two young Spanish boys happened along on their mopeds and seemed delighted that this entertainment had arrived on their doorstep, their delight was evident, as they raced their mopeds back and forth, bombarding the two chaps from Pickfords with rapid fire Spanish. They were then joined by one of the gypsy farmers who had been tending his sheep. He also seemed to be greatly amused although he did not say anything, he simply surveyed the vehicle from every angle and grunted away to himself. The Pickfords vehicle and its predicament was attracting an every growing audience. Next came a chap in his 4x4 who managed to get passed the vehicle by using a ramp to the side of it and drove into the field below and out the other side. We did contemplate this operation ourselves but having watched the 4x4 lumbering around in the field we realised that at the very least we would get stuck but more likely inflict massive damage upon our little car.

People came and went and finally after some two hours a JCB arrived and pulled the huge Pickfords vehicle back and out of the muddy rut that it had been trapped in. Whoo Hoo at last we were free to go on our way.

I had to feel sorry for both of the guys from Pickfords, they had followed advice from the lady they had delivered the packages to, and she had told them that they would be able to turn around no problem. They pulled their vehicle forward and away from the rut and let us pass. How they got their vehicle turned around is anyones guess they may still be there now.

We continued on our journey and met up with our friends where we told them our tale of woe over a few beers and brandy. We eventually set off on our way, and to find some food. We had only gone about 2 Km when a bird flew into the side of the car with such a clatter we decided that this day was not panning out well and the sensible solution would be to end it there and then. We ended up staying in a hotel overnight having realised that it would be safer to take our chances travelling back on Friday 13th.

All I can say is Pickfords have painted on the side of their vehicle " The Careful Movers".........I beg to differ, as on this day they were neither careful, nor were they moving.

Top Bombing

2006-01-03T10:43:00.000+01:00

This is a quick story two tales in one. I am sharing this with you as it made me chuckle, I hope it has the same effect on you.

Last week we took a trip to Carefour on a mission of mercy for a friend of ours; it was a Stella Artois mission. Now whilst in Carefour we wandered into the electrical section and more specifically the TV section. My mother had been complaining about our TV not being big enough, or clear enough for her to see, and she also had problems with the sound. We thought that it was maybe time to invest in a bigger and better TV as mother spends a lot of the winter watching TV.

I think that it had already been decided that the new set had to be either a widescreen Plasma or LCD, size however had not really been considered, and price was going to be the decider. We looked at virtually every set on show and came across a 42” Plasma which was very keenly priced. Decision made and TV purchased, but they could not let us have one until Saturday but they would deliver. We could live with that as we did not think we would be able to get it into the car we had brought.

Saturday came and went and the TV was not delivered, the next day was New Years day so we had to wait until yesterday to contact them to find out what was going on and where our TV was. We rang them in the morning and they did not understand what we were talking about, so we rang our friend who teaches Spanish and asked for her assistance. Now anyone who has dealt with or tried to deal with Carefour, will be aware of their reputation and know how unhelpful they can be. I have to tell you the tales you hear are very true, having experienced this first hand. Carefour said that they knew nothing about the transaction but they would look into it and call us back. They did not call us, and as it was getting late we decided to go and collect the TV.

We set off and picked up our friend Mike to help us lift the set into the car, it seems as a girlie I cannot lift heavy things!! After much ado we managed to find a nice little man who was prepared to locate our set and asked us to come back in 10 mins and the set would be there. I had a little food shopping to do, and Mike had to replace some tools so we set off in different directions to do our shopping, whilst him indoors went off to get a trolley to put the TV in.

We all met back and sure enough the TV was there and had been loaded into a trolley ready for us to collect. Mike and I put our baskets into the other trolley along with a dozen cans of John Smiths bitter that him indoors insists threw themselves at the trolley as he walked past. The chaps headed off to the checkouts to pay for the shopping whilst I manoeuvred the trolley with the TV out of the shop at the other end. I met them at the checkout where Mike had packed his bag of tools and him indoors was packing his cans of John Smiths into bags. I was just packing my chicken into a carrier bag when there was this almighty explosion. The chicken had an instant flying lesson, narrowly missing the girl on the check out who was now under the checkout. My ears were ringing from the explosion, and my first thoughts were a terrorist attack. I felt something trickling down my face, and instantly thought I was bleeding. I looked back to Mike and then to him indoors, they were ashen, and the whole of Carefour in Murcia was silent and people stood with their mouths open, with a look of horror on their faces. Trust me there were some very frightened people and I was one of them, and I think underwear changes were required all round.

I looked back at the chaps again in the hope that they knew what had happened and realised the look of horror had turned into one of relief followed by hysterical laughter, and then the appearance of the store manager. You know it is a well known fact that in a terror situation some people react by laughing, although I am not sure why. However on this occasion it became apparent why they were laughing, and I then joined them followed by the checkout girl and then the store manager. Now just try and imagine this situation, there has been some sort of explosion in a very busy store and there are three Brits, the store manager and a checkout girl screaming with laughter, whilst the rest of the store looked on in horror and disbelief. Trouble was they could not see what we could.

When Mike put his bag of tools into the trolley it moved slightly and the bag of tools fell over and the hammer in the bag of tools hit one of the cans of John Smiths and the damned thing exploded, it ripped the can from end to end. It was by far the loudest explosion I have ever heard. We were all covered in beer in fact anyone in the vicinity was covered in beer. The crowd in the store were still standing open mouthed and all staring at us wondering what the hell was going on. The store manager having regained his composure leaned forward and said “Happy New Year”. Mike then lifted the mangled can of John Smiths to show the crowd in the store what had caused the explosion and shouted “Top Bombing”. That was it I was laughing hysterically again.

At least we got to see a widget!!

Irish Pubs in Spain??

2006-01-03T09:58:00.000+01:00

The area where I formerly lived in

Spain

was well known as a cosmopolitan town, with many nationalities living side by side, and many different types of restaurants offering a wide variety of cuisine.
Having now moved to the more Spanish region of

Murcia

, I have noticed that the bars and restaurants are more traditionally Spanish and likewise the food on offer is very Spanish. There seems to be only one exception to this and that is the Irish Pub.

I have to confess that I thought that the Irish Pub was peculiar to the areas of Spain where many British/Irish lived, a bit like the British Pub with Sky TV, but I found that the Irish Pub seems to crop up in the most unlikely places. One night I went out with one of our Spanish friends Anna, and as she is at the University in Murcia she decided to show us the night life in the Town.
We went into lots of different bars that night but Anna felt that the nicest bar she knew was a bar called the Marathon Bar, and insisted on taking us there. As the name suggests this was not a Spanish Bar and certainly the title had a very English feel.
The bar turned out to be an Irish Bar, and I have to confess that the décor was very Pub like. It was a very dark bar with lots of wood, including the floor. The bar itself was very long and all dark wood. There were cubicles all along two of the walls with wooden benches and tables, and walls were adorned with old signs, and bits of racing memorabilia. On each of the tables there was a beer pump, glass washer and glasses. A very good idea we thought and somewhat of a novelty. A young Spanish girl came to our table to take our drinks order and we gave her €20.00 and as soon as she went back to the bar our pump showed the amount of beer we had, and we just served ourselves.

For me the beauty of this pub was the décor, every inch of the bar looked very authentic and I was impressed by the amount of vision the owners had when they designed it. The idea of a beer pump on the table was also splendid, as it meant we did not have to queue at the bar to be served, and as this was one busy bar it was appreciated.
The only thing that intrigued me was the nationality of the owners, were they actually Irish?? It turns out no they were not, and they had never set foot in Ireland, and no they did not sell Guinness.

I know of other Irish Bars in the locality, one of the most popular is owned by an Argentinean. But by far the best was found in Almeria. Now this bar was again decorated in a very authentic way, and did not sell food, just drinks. On the walls there were plaques which were intended to depict the tales of an old Irish Mariner. They were beautifully done with lovely painted images and writing on wooden plaques. It was only when I started to read them that I realised that they made no sense at all to and English speaker. This is when the penny dropped, yet another Spanish/Irish bar which was confirmed by the lady behind the bar. She was gutted when I told her that none on the writing on the plaques made any sense at all, mostly gibberish.

The Big question that I have is WHY?? In the areas that the British frequent having an Irish bar generally means that you can charge over the top prices for everything you sell, but why would the Spanish follow this theme and then not charge higher prices, where is the benefit to them? And do the Spanish like the idea of being in an Irish themed bar?? I guess the answer to the last question has to be yes, based on the numbers of Spanish that seem to drink there as they all were packed when I visited. Views on this one would be appreciated.

Money Matters

2005-12-31T09:29:00.000+01:00

Money certainly does matter here in Spain, but the way the financial institutes deal with your money seems to be dependant on your gender.

I am not a great feminist but I am grateful to the likes of the Pankhurst sisters for getting us girlies up one rung of the ladder. In Spain it is clear to me that they still have a fight on their hands.

In the UK I was very independent, had full employment, owned my own home, and all my bills and bank accounts were in my name, despite the fact I was married……..I liked it that way.

Since coming to Spain some five years ago, I have had to open bank accounts, which is the norm. My first bank account was opened with my partner, and at the time I thought very little about the procedure. I did however take exception to the fact that all the correspondence from the bank was addressed only to my partner and not me, even though it was a joint account. On this occasion I put this down to the little idiosyncrasies of the bank.

A few years later it became necessary to open a joint account with my mother as we wished to raise some capital, and in order to this we required a small mortgage. We opened a bank account together and my name went onto the deeds of the house and also onto the mortgage agreement. Would you believe it they sent all the correspondence to my mother !!!! This situation was starting to annoy me slightly, and I found myself making constant checks in the mirror to make sure I did actually exist even though the banks seemed to think I did not.

I opened another account with my partner, at the beginning of this year, which we intended to use for business. And my name was also added to my mothers long standing Spanish bank account. Guess who the banks contact……not me!! Paranoia is now taking firm hold of my hand.

We have since sold our house and in doing so we had to cancel the small mortgage we had and duely toddled off to the notary to sign the relevant papers connected to the house sale. On arrival both my mothers and my passport were required to complete the process. We sat before the notary whilst he read through the sales contract checking off the names which appeared on it, against the pile of passports he had before him. Mothers name was read out in the context of her being the seller and he checked her passport and handed it back. The buyers names were read out and checked against their passports, then it seemed that part of the process was completed and it was time to sign. By this time I had noticed that my name had not been mentioned, neither had the notary looked at my passport. I found this a little disconcerting especially as my name was on the esquitura, and on the now cancelled mortgage agreement. I mentioned this to our solicitor who told me not to worry everything was in order. Papers were signed and our solicitor handed me a cheque. Eureka my name was on the cheque, but only mine??? So what had actually happened is we sold the house, mother signed and I got the money even though from the notaries point of view I was not a party to the transaction. Confused??? I sure was.

With the cheque in hand we all headed off to the bank were I would deposit the cheque in my account. Everything went smoothly and the cheque was paid in, and I was given the receipt. On closer inspection the receipt was in my partners name, not mine !!

The story does not end there, although it has to be said the best has been said.

Again my partner and I opened another bank account in Granada where we are buying our cave house. We needed to open an account so that we could place funds locally so that it is available for the work we need to have done on the house, and also so we can raise a small mortgage to complete these works. On opening this account my partner was required to sign a bundle of papers, yet I was only asked once for my signature, as they told me they needed this as a specimen. I asked why my partner had signed so many times and I had only signed once. They said “ You are a woman, it is not necessary”……

What do you say to that????? In my case nothing, it took me an hour to raise my chin from the floor from where it had crashed after that statement.

Registering with the School

2005-12-08T12:06:00.000+01:00

When we arrived in Spain it was December and felt there was little point trying to get our daughter into school until the start of the new term in January. We had already identified which school she should be going to but because of her age we were unsure if she would attend this primary school or indeed go straight into the High School. When we left the UK she had just started Comprehensive school, and although we were aware that the ages for attending high school in Spain were different from those in the UK, we had also been informed that this would vary from area to area.

Christmas well out of the way we set about registering her with the school, we arrived bright and early one Monday Morning and stood outside the school. It seemed very pleasant and looked clean and well cared for, and no graffiti which was nice to see. There was a large railed fence all around the school and the gate was locked. Again we thought this was good especially given those tragic events in Dunblane. So far so good for a Monday morning in Spain.

We realised that the gate would be working on some sort of a buzzer/speaker system so began to search. The only thing that we could see was a form of door bell which was hanging from the wall by its wires and not looking too safe. There seemed to be nothing else to ring so with fear in our hearts we pressed the button………nothing.

It did not seem to be functioning. So there we stood the three of us feeling just a tad silly. We stood there for what seemed like an age, then a large delivery van pulled up and the driver got out and rattled the gates like there was no tomorrow, after a second or two the gates opened so we made our way in.

We went through the front door and into the reception hallway were we found the help desk. Well it looked like a help desk, but on reflection I think this should be identified as the unhelpful desk. Behind this desk were two women and one man. I asked if they spoke English, to which they answered NO. Ok I thought I am going to have to do this in my best Spanish which at that time was dreadful. I told them that I would like to register my daughter for school who did I have to see. They looked at me and then at each other and shook their heads. Mmmm I thought this is not going well. I tried this question in every form I knew how to try and make them understand what it was I wished to do. I just kept getting this vacant look.

I was about to give up and come back with a translator as it seemed that this was not going to be an easy task. A small boy then came past, and to be frank I paid very little attention to him as I was absorbed with my mission, and was franticly trying to find another set of words that might just convey my wishes. Whilst I was in mid spanglish this small child stopped and looked at us then spoke to the three stooges behind the desk in perfect Spanish, they replied and he then turned to us and told us that they were not taking admissions today we would have to come back another day. Now you have to understand that this child was no more than six or seven, so astonished does not cover our feelings. I quickly asked him which day we should come back and he told us on Thursday between 10.30 and 1.30, and off he went with us both shouting our thanks.

We were handed a form and off we went. Ok we were thwarted at that attempt but we were not giving up, we had gained information albeit not by our own means but on the back of a small British child whose command of the Spanish language was stunning. We spent hours on this admission form working out what information they needed and managed to fill it all in and I have to say correctly. It seemed all they needed were our passports and photocopies of our passports.

Armed with all our paperwork we arrived back on Thursday morning to find a queue, and this was out of the door and into the playground and it was not even 10.30am. Ok I thought if this is what you have to do to get your kid into school here then this is what I have to do, so we quietly joined the queue. We stood there for ages, my back was killing me and we took it in turns to go for a smoke. We were about 10 people left at the front of the queue at 1.30 and I thought well we are nearly there maybe another ten minutes at the most and we will have registered her with the school and she should be able to start on Monday morning. My illusions were shattered about 10 seconds later, when a rather burly Spanish women appeared and shouted “Vamos” and then in English “finished go away”. Now she had to be joking I had been standing there for hours!!!! There were a few disgruntled people ahead of me but they did as they were told and started to move away. I asked them what was going on and they told me that registration is strictly on Thursdays between those hours irrespective of how long you had been standing there. The woman I spoke to was on her fourth attempt.

Jesus I thought as we headed to the nearest bar, in dire need of beer and an ice cream. Small blonde child was not impressed, and told us that the school looked like a prison. This was now starting to look bad and I knew that battle lines would have to be drawn, and a strategy formed.

The following Thursday morning we arrived at 9.00am I was damned if I was going to be in the same position as the week before. Despite our early arrival I guess other parents were in the same school of thinking as us, as the queue had already begun to form, fortunately not as long as the previous week, so we had a chance of being seen. The queue followed the same pattern as the week before with my partner and I adopting the shift system. Eventually we were first in the queue, and then the magical door that had eluded us the week before opened and we were motioned in.

At the desk sat a very sombre looking man with a young woman next to him. She spoke first asking in Spanish our nationality. We told her we were British and she asked if we had brought a translator. No I replied, so I have to have one? She just shook her head. I handed over the form we had filled in and she asked for our passports so I handed over both my daughters and my passports and she motioned for my partner to hand over his. I then had to explain that he was not her father, she then asked me for my husbands passport. I could not believe this…… I told her that my daughter’s husband did not live in Spain and I did not have his passport, she insisted that she had to see his passport. Thinking on my feet I told her that this would not be possible as we did not know where he was and we had not seen him since the divorce. Thankfully she bought that one and asked for my partner’s passport as he would be the head of the house. I could feel my feminist hackles rising and fought to keep my mouth shut.

Forms were filled in and boxes ticked and all seemed to be going well, then she asked for her immunisation records. Ok she had me I did not have those, and at that moment in time I had no idea how I was going to get those to Spain in a hurry. I was told she could not be admitted without them, and we were shown the door.

Back to the pub, beer and ice cream all round………..

I managed to contact the practice manager of our doctors in the UK and as luck would have it she was an old friend and within 24 hours she had faxed through the records. Armed with this we returned again the following week and presented ourselves to the mercy of the queue. This was now becoming a regular thing and we were starting to form close bonds with the people we had met week after week in the queue, sad but true. Again we were at the front of the queue but this time we had the information that was required……..or so we thought.

I presented the young woman with the immunisation records which were checked and she then asked for photographs, well she thought she had me there but during one of my conversations with other parents in the queue I noticed they had photos and asked what they were for. They were required for identification and also for their bus passes if they needed to be transported to school. I had the photos whoo hoo. She took these and stuck one onto the admissions form and stapled the others to another form. Well that was that, when does she start?? Yep you guessed there was something else I had failed to provide, she now required a copy of the padron. I shot out of the office dragging the rest of the brood with me, with looks of total bewilderment on their faces. I could see it in their eyes “ she has finally lost the plot”. On the contrary I knew the town hall was at the other end of the street and we could get the padron there, and with luck get back into the queue and get this admission thing finished today.

My plan worked and armed with our padron with the ink still wet we were back in the queue, and back into the office within minutes to spare of the cut off point. Was I feeling smug. This is when the expression “do not count your chickens before they hatch” really means something. The young lady stapled one of the copies of the padron to the other forms and then hit me over the head with the question “ have you got her medical certificate?” What medical certificate??????? It seems that your child also has to have a medical examination with a Spanish doctor before they may be admitted to a Spanish school. I think this was the point where my head hit the desk and my fist followed. Once I had regained my composure, and trust me it was touch and go, I asked this young woman if there were any other documents that I was required to provide so that I did not waste any more of both her time and mine. It seemed I should also fill in a form for school transport and bring that back with the medical certificate, and I also needed a copy of the passport of the person that owned the house that we were living in. Now if I had not asked I could see that we would have returned at least another twice only to be told that we were missing some form of documentation. I asked the young lady if she minded if I place a list of the documentation required on a piece of paper and posted this on the front door, so that no one else had to go through this again. I got that look that only Spanish officials can give, but I did it anyway.

We finally returned with all the documentation and were told that she could not start for another two weeks as they did not have the room, and this nice young lady added that we should have registered here 3 weeks before and she would have been able to start that Monday. AAARRRRGGGGHHhhh!!!!!

On the first morning of school we drove our daughter to the front gates, we told her to try and have a good day and said all those encouraging things that you say when you are more nervous than they are. My daughter has a riotous if not evil sense of humour and she pointed towards the roof of the school, and asked if that was the only gun turret or where there more. Naturally we looked up at the roof, and as we did so a child kicked his football out of the school grounds and scaled the fence to retrieve it. My daughter leapt out of the car shouting “ Run, Run they have not seen you yet, you can escape” she then went into school whistling ‘The Great Escape’.

We spent the next 4 months ferrying our daughter back and forth to school as there was not enough room on the school bus. This was four trips a day. The reason why there was no room on the bus was because people had taken the bus place as it allows the child to stay for dinner, however as it turned out the bus was running virtually empty, and the irony was it went passed our front door. When I queried this with the director he shrugged, but he did eventually look into it, and one day we found teachers escorting children onto the school bus much to their horror, and parents turning up to collect their kids only to find they had been placed on the school bus. After a couple of weeks we were sent a letter to tell us that our daughter could now travel on the school bus.

Telephony Services Chapter Three

2005-12-02T13:48:00.000+01:00

I spent many happy hours using my newly installed ADSL, life was full of joy again, I could work, spend time talking to our kids, video conferencing, you name it I did it; I was making up for lost time. This euphoric state lasted almost a year, we did have the odd hiccup when Telefonica decided that we had not paid our telephone bill and severed the line, but in fairness to them they could not have known, that due to the inept working practise that they seem to promote, they had not actually sent us a bill. However the failing as usual had to be with us for not nurturing our telepathic powers, which would have enabled us to see that a bill was in fact due to be paid and also knowing the exact amount. In the greater scheme of things this was merely a small glitch in the matrix, and we knew that they were saving themselves for greater things.

As Christmas 2004 approached we had notice that the house we had rented for the last year was up for sale and we would need to leave sometime in January 2005. As it stood we were ready for a move and started to think about moving inland and into the country. We had done our stint of the British type Urbs and fancied something a bit different. We started looking at various locations and our dear Spanish friend Enrique found us a lovely 4 bed detached property in a little Spanish Village close to Murcia. We looked and thought WOW and the rent was just about right.

Being now very cautious we thought Telephone, we noted that there was a line into the house but the landlady had it disconnected some two months previously, however as it was there, and it was not a radio phone we thought that this might prove to be a hassle free situation. At this point I must point out that with hindsight I have now made a note to myself. ‘Do not think, do not expect, and be prepared for anything’

We telephoned Telefonica and told them the number of the phone and asked if they could reconnect it. Yes they said no problem it would take ten days. We then asked would ADSL be available on this line, again they said Yes no problem. I know what you are thinking now! No we did not take this on face value we checked. Firstly we checked with the neighbours for their numbers and ran them through Telefonica site where you key in your number to see if ADSL is available for that number, we also ran ours through the system; they all came up with a positive Yes. Armed with this information we placed the order for the phone to be reconnected and ordered the ADSL. Ten days for the phone but the ADSL would take 20 days, we could live with this so we paid our deposit for the house and my partner and I moved in just before Christmas to make sure the house was ready for the final move on January 2^nd when my mother would join us.

We got ourselves settled well more or less, we also found that we had moved to the black hole of silence as none of our mobile phones on any network, in any way functioned in the house. We spent the first two weeks driving up the nearest mountain until we got a signal, so that we could stay in touch with the outside world. With regard to the phone, well the ten days came and went and no sign so again we rang them. They did the usual checks on name and passport number and said that they would be with us shortly but could not say when. With the patience of jobe we continued our waiting game. Another ten days passed and nothing so we rang again. They told us this time that there was some problem with the ADSL order and their technical dept would be in touch to explain.

Ok we thought we can live with that but what about the phone? Well it appeared that there was a problem with that too but their technical dept would contact us and explain.

Their was a familiar pattern to this and it was becoming quite disconcerting so we asked trusty Enrique to give them a call on our behalf to try and find out what the problem was.

Now Enrique is normally one of the nicest chaps you would ever care to meet, he is always cheerful, and never has a bad word to say about anyone or anything and seems to take everything that life throws at him, in his stride………normally !!!

Enrique was furious he shouted and screamed down the telephone and although my Spanish is not brilliant, even a non speaker got the gist of what he was saying. The conversation was not a lengthy one and when he put the phone down the swearing continued. He told us that there was no capacity in the exchange to provide a telephone line for us and that they were updating the exchange but it would be about a year before this work was completed. We were devastated.

We continued to ring Telefonica as we felt that some amount of persistence would have to pay off in the end. This became a ritual, every Monday morning we would ring and they would tell us the same thing, they were working on it but could not give us any more information. One Monday morning whilst enjoying a coffee in one of the bars in the next village we thought lets ring Telefonica whilst we have a signal. We went through the usual questions and the lady at Telefonica asked for my passport number and then went to get the information for us. When she came back she said “I am sorry Mrs ……, we have no record of your order on this passport number” now this was a little confusing as she had addressed me by my correct name and as I had never had any telephony services ordered in my name prior to this order I had to ask her “If you have no record of my order on this passport number, how come you know my name?” Guess what? She hung up!!!

This did not annoy me at all this incensed me, I rang back and explained what had just occurred and they asked me who I had spoken to, now how the hell did I know? I have to add here, that you should, in any communication with Telefonica, make sure that is one of the first things you ask…..their name. Amazingly they managed to find my order and gave me the information I had requested, however I was not going to leave it at that, and I requested that I speak to a supervisor as I wished to make a complaint. No there was not a supervisor to speak to, so I asked for the telephone number of their head office, no there was not a telephone number for their head office??? Ok I had to question that one, they are the main telecommunications company in Spain who provide telephones and telephony services to millions of people, and their head office does not have a telephone number???????? This does not fill you with confidence if they cannot get a phone number what chance do I??? They did however give me a fax number…..unbelievable!!!

Strangely two days later a rather nice young man turned up at our house, and he introduced himself and the senior technical engineer for Telefonica and his ID supported this. He had come to talk to us, armed with maps of the area, and to explain why we had not got our phone line and our ADSL. All very interesting and it seemed that they were actually working on the exchange to increase the number of lines and he hoped that this work would be completed before Christmas, we were now in March. As for the ADSL he told us that it would cost a considerable amount to make the exchange ready for ADSL and unless more people requested the service he could not see this happening for some time. We were not happy but any chance of a line had to be taken.

April arrived and so did Telefonica, they looked at the present connection scratched their heads and toddled off again. They arrived back the next day had another look and got some telephone cable out of their van and deposited it on my porch, scratched their heads again and vanished in their van. Two weeks later they arrived again asked to look at the connection in the house, which we showed them, one of them started taking the box apart whilst the other one went out into the garden to view the outside connection. At this point I had visions of them vanishing again, and lost the plot. I locked the front door and told the guy outside either they finished the installation today or his mate was not leaving. They looked at me as though I was mad, as did the rest of my family. Not a lot was said by either of the guys but they did work feverishly with the installation, tested it, rapidly wrote the telephone number down for us, and then just looked at us. I tested the phone, it worked, I got someone to ring me back, and it worked. I then poured the two guys a Ponche and gave them €10 each and unlocked the door.

The two Telefonica guys both broke into broad smiles, slugged down their drinks kissed me and left.

Now that is how you get a phone line here in Spain

My next subject will be about getting your children into school and how the Spanish love their paperwork.

Telephony Services Chapter Two

2005-11-23T13:54:00.000+01:00

Now one would have thought, that I would have gained some valuable experience having dealt with Telefonica and having a little more knowledge than a complete novice, about the weird way that they do business. Well actually no, it seems I learnt nothing, or if I did then they moved the goal posts again.

I eventually moved from the house with the radio phone and no chance of a dedicated land line, and moved into another house in the locality which had a phone, yep you guessed a radio phone !

There had been much talk in the local bars and shops, that Telefonica would be putting in land lines throughout the area, and we all watched as telephone poles were placed in the streets. So much excitement had not been experienced in such a long time.

Then the first line was installed and it was in my street. I telephoned Telefonica and asked if I could order a phone. They asked for my address which I duly gave and the answer was swift and cutting....No. I said why no my neighbour has a phone, the nice lady at telefonica with advanced Janet and John English told me there were no lines in the area. I looked out of my window and said "but there are I can see a telephone line to my neighbours house". Nope, she was not convinced and asked me for his telephone number.

Thwarted again, but not for long, I told her that I would find out and ring her back. I think I must have waited about 2 weeks before I could locate my neighbours as they had sneaked back to the UK for a holiday. I caught up with them and got their telephone number and with this in my hot little hand phoned Telefonica again. I asked the same question and got the same answers, but this time when she asked for my neighbours telephone number I had her, the feeling was wonderful, but it only lasted a second. After a brief silence and that mind numbing 'hold' music she returned and told me No. Shocked I asked why No ? She told me there were no telephone poles near my house. Now in saying this to me, she did not realise that I am standing looking out my window with two poles in view, one of which was directly outside my house. I explained this to her and she asked me what number was on the pole. I ran outside located the numbers on both poles and rushed back to give her this informaiton. Again I was placed on hold with that......er music again! Now I could be wrong but I really did feel that her next answer, gave her great pleasure, then again I could have been just a little paranoid. She told me that the exchange was not ready and that it would be after Christmas before I could have a line. Not wanting to leave this exchange without a small victory, I asked her to take my order and also an order for adsl. To my surprise she agreed.

I think I rang back every week leading up to Christmas only to be told that it would be after Christmas and my order was pending. Well this was a bit better than I had initially hoped for after our first exchange, so I remained hopeful.

Christmas day came and went with its usual flurry and boxing day sneaked in with a bang. The bang was my front door, on the other side were telefonica causing the bang. We emerged all three of us, bleary eyed well almost 3 of us. Small blonde child stuck her head out of her bedroom door, looking like a panda, then poked it back into her bedroom and went back to bed. God knows what the two engineers thought when they saw me, hair sticking up on end, in my most delightful fleece PJ's, giving them a look that would have curdled cream. Now imagine this, you have just been woken up, from a somewhat boozy sleep, it was Christmas day the day before and you have two Telefonica engineers who then proceeded to talk to you in Spanish at break neck speed, and all of this without a coffee. I managed to mumble something at them in spanish and asked them to speak more slowly. It seemed they had come to install my telephone......whoo hoo!!

Then there was a problem....they were viewing the radio phone that had long since been disconnected, and a big conversation took place between them, which involved a great deal of head scratching. This was not, in my opinion a good sign. My partner came back to join the conversation and brought with him much needed coffee. The two engineers then started to tell me what the problem was, whoosh was the sound that I heard as their conversation went over my head parting my hair on the way. Time for the fluent spanish speaker to earn her keep. I managed to rouse small blonde child but she was not happy at all. I explained to her we had a problem and they had a problem we just did not understand what the problem was and would she help. I am not sure but I think the engineers by this time were slightly afraid of this very strange English family. Clearly my apprearance had frightened them but small blonde child pushed them over the edge.

It appeared that they could not install the phone as they had no paperwork about the radio phone. They needed to know what number the radio phone had been. Well to the best of my knowledge the phone had been cut off many years previously and there was nothing in the house that gave me a clue. It seemed without the number of the old phone they would not be able to allocate a new number for the new phone. That was that and off they went.

In about April there was another knock at the door and a lady stood there with a package in her hand, which she gave to me. I had no idea who she was or where she had come from, and more to the point, no idea what was in the package. I opened it and there before me was the adsl modem ??? Well this just about added insult to injury so I phoned Telefonica. They had no idea who I was and had no record of an order placed for a telephone. Confused on the Costa Blanca then asked, if they had no record of the order why had they sent me an adsl modem?? They told me they had not sent me the modem, so again I explained that they had and I was looking at it as we spoke. I think they were more confused than I was. They offered to phone me back.

Two days later they did actually ring back, which was a result in itself. They told me that they would be installing my phone line and telephone within 10 days. Remember the earlier story, when I said to ask them which tuesday etc and what month and which year. These rules still apply, so I asked would this be ten days from today. I got a very curt...Yes of course!

Ok so not being the most optomistic person on the planet I did think to myself, this is not going to happen in 10 days, I thought if prepared for the worst then nothing could surprise me. Wrong again! Later that afternoon yet another knock on the door, and there stood two Telefonica engineers !!!!! They had come to install my line and telephone, this time I was speechless. Within an hour they had installed the phone, in the correct place and it was working. Off they went and about 5 minutes later the phone rang it was Telefonica calling me to tell me my telephone number.

Now this sounds like a bit of a success story, but there is a twist in the tail. Despite the fact that the phone was in a working, and we had managed to install the modem, even though the instructions bore no resemblance to how it should have been installed, we could not get onto the internet. Four days we tried, we uninstalled the modem and installed it again and repeated this process over and over again, checked and rechecked. Eventually and reluctantly I phoned Telefonica again and explained the problem, they gave me the number for the technical dept who they assured me would be able to sort out the problem. Things seemed to be looking up, they actually had a technical dept. I phoned and asked if they spoke english they said not so I struggled through in my dreadful spanish and the up shot was the line had not been enabled for adsl......Doh!

My relationsip with Telefonica has blossomed over the years and now we fully understand what is required of the other. I make a request, they agree to my request, and they fail to deliver each time. I have come to the conclusion that a prerequisite to work for Telefonica is that you must be able to tell porkies consistently, and without any trace of guilt. I on the other hand have to be prepared to ring them without fail each week, be prepared to listen to porkies and recognise that nothing is going to change.

Telephony Services Chapter Three is without doubt my pièce de résistance, and is in the making now

Telephony Services Chapter One

2005-08-24T17:09:00.000+02:00

I once used to curse BT, I am sure it was a national pastime back in the UK. Now it seems that although I thought the grass was greener on the other side, it appears I was a little hasty with my view.

The telephone does not seem to be too important here in Spain, granted mose people have mobile phones but judging by the lack of conventional services, they need to have them. Spain in not a small country and there are vast areas, even now that are barren and do not have the most basic services like electricity and water, so it is safe to assume, in the grand scale of things a telelphone is the least of a persons requirements here.

The main provider of telephony services here in Spain is Telefonica. Once you have been in Spain for some time you will realise that people pronounce this in different ways. Firstly you have the normal pronounciation teleefoneeka, ok that's good then the alternative is teleeuslessbloodynophonefonica, a little more difficult to get your tongue round but you will know by the expression on the face of the person, which pronounciation they favour.

With my experiences of Telefonica I am more inclined to use the second pronounciation. I must admit I was amongst the ever hopeful band that arrived on these shores feeling confident that everything that I had in the UK that was accepted as the norm, would be available to me here, the only problems that I thought I might encounter were those of language, and well sign language is universal..............................isn't it?

Ok with British Telecom you move into a new home ring them up, order a phone/line whatever and they tell you there and then that they will install your phone in 2-3 days ...tops. So simple that we never think well is this a good service or a bad one, I certainly did not even consider it. Spain is a tad different and of course I would not like to apply this as a generalism because I am sure that in other areas it must be different. Or is my once youthful optomisim kicking in again!

The first week I arrived I moved into my Mum's place, you know like you do, and until you have found your feet, as I needed the phone line for the internet it was fairly essential that I first got the phone updated (I will explain that one in a minute) and also arrange for ISDN so that mothers phone line was not tied up with me surfing the net and generally working. Seemed simple enough, phrase book in hand and off to the phone. Dialled the number and spoke is my best spanish at length about how I wanted the radio ( yes remember that red word) phone removing and a dedicated line putting in and then I wanted ISDN. There was a silence and the lady from Telefonica said "Si" and promptly hung up.

We continued this game for a few days, the lady from Telefonica and I, but it was clear to me that sooner or later one of us was going to get bored.....yes you guessed I caved in first. It occurred to me that maybe a different approach was needed, after much head scratching I came up with a brainwave......find yourself a friendly spaniard who also speaks English....what a cunning plan...well it would have been had I been able to locate someone with those talents, however I did get a spanish lady who was involved with a German guy, who in turn kinda spoke English.

Hey hey I thought we are on a roll, all I need to do is explain what I need to my german friend who in turn would explain this to his Spanish girlfriend and then she in turn phones Telefonica. The theory was technically good however it seems that in practise, this plan stunk. We are now on Plan 3 subsection 4a and counting.

Ok next in the line of cunning plans is this. I phone telefonica, ask for an english speaker, Bt has operators who speak different languages I know this so it seemed logical that Telefoncia did too. Well this plan half worked I did indeed get a lady who spoke some english, not a lot and mostly in the Janet and John school of reading but at least it was a base form of english. I ordered the ISDN yes she said "10 day", wow I thought we scored here this is not so hard, what I failed to ask was "which 10 days, which month or for that matter which year" I know this sounds crazy but as a tip to those of you out there contemplating a move here, when enquiring about products or services, and they tell you Tuesday, be sure that you remember to ask which month and year. Oh and as an after thought when they say "manana" that does not really mean tomorrow irrespective of what you may have read or been taught. Manana actually means any day after today and there is really no time limit on this.

Anyway I digress, and that is real easy to do here, 10 days came and went and Nada....nothing so I phoned again and asked when they thought this would happen. They did not have any idea of who I was and no record of my order!!

The dialogue with Telefoncia continued for some time, eventuall I did speak to someone at Telefonica who had more that a small grasp of English and not the Janet and John variety.

We spoke at length, which is itself was refreshing, where this very nice lady told me that 1) I could not update the phone as no landlines were available in my area, only radio phones and they had no plans to put in lines in the near future....maybe 4 years maybe more she told me.

At this point I needed to be picked up from the floor and brought round, where was I??? In the amazon?? Then she cheerfully told me that there was no chance at all of ISDN however she continued there is a possibility that you may be able to connect to the internet via the radio phone. I was ok....well kinda ok after a few brandy's.

Not to be defeated I set up my computer and managed to get online having waded through the complicated spanish sign up pages, and YES I connected at 14kbps..................Doh! It was like watching paint dry. After some consideration I decided that there was not enough of my life left to wait for pages on the internet to load at this speed so I decided that more needed to be done to achieve this and I would have to hatch more and more cunning plans.........this is where my training in the University of cunning under Professor Sly came to the fore.